Would you like to enrich your relationship with a
person who is dear to you and has a medical
condition which has resulted in you becoming
their caregiver?

If your answer is 'yes' . . .
The Kindness Dialogue is for you.

The caregiver and the care-receiver will both take the Enneagram test, and when they receive their test results, spend a couple hours studying the results of their test and also their partner's test. The test results are quite detailed, so we recommend each person use a yellow marker to highlight that text that feels "right on." Next they are to use a ball point pen to strike out the text they feel doesn't fit at all. Note: most of the documents will neither highlight out struck out. At this point, they will exchange the test results of their partner. Thus both will have a document they completed about themselves and one their partner completed about them.

THIS IS CRITICAL: They are not to discuss the documents until they sit down together the following day to proceed with the actual structured Kindness Dialogue. They both need to wait awhile (i.e., sleep on it) to let the new information soak in. On the following day, they are to set aside a couple hours engage in the formal Kindness Dialogue Event.

Prior to starting the structure Kindness Dialogue Event, both people will have agreed to the following:
  • Anger will not be tolerated. If it occurs, they are to stop the dialogue until everybody cools down.
  • Every effort should be made to go out of your way to show kindness to each other. (To come up with what to do to manifest kindness, ask yourself what the other person needs, wants, or would like to have at any given moment.
  • Avoid bringing up older, painful, unresolved events. Remember, you're still just beginners at approaching life this way. Past problems will re-emerge in due time.
The dialogue starts the following way: Person A reads and comments of the first two pages of their own report and follows up by doing the same with Person B's report about Person A. Then, ever mindful of intentional kindness, they dialogue about the material they just covered until the reach understanding and acceptance.

Then they take turns section-by-section and do the same until the dialogue is finished. NOTE: it is lot of material and you made need several more meeting to cover it all.

  • When the "Event" comes to a close, and if you're so inclined, go out for a meal, take a walk, or choose something more intimate to commemorate the occasion.
  • We recommend making a video-recording of The Kindness Dialogue Event so you can watch it again next year on the same date.
As mentioned previously, there may be some issues when the a partner may have an unanswered question or still-painful problem. In that event, consult with a counseling professional in your community or email Dr. Hageseth to set up a time to address the unfinished issues.

CONTACT Dr. Hageseth: wisespeechkindwords@gmail.com 

A thoughtfully scripted conversation between two people who are very important in each other's lives.
It is is based on the results of the Enneagram Personality test. The purpose of the Kindness Dialogue is to
develop a deeper understanding of each other and a commitment to share more intentional acts of kindness.

The information included here may look daunting at first, but just take it one step at a time.
If you are unsure on how to proceed, get in touch with Dr. Chris.

Hello, and welcome. I'm Dr. Chris Hageseth, The Kindness Doc. I created The Kindness Dialogue to be a new and effective process so you can have a meaningful, heart-to-heart conversation with someone who is uniquely important in your life.

Your relationship may be relatively new, or it may be decades old. It may be personal or it may be professional. But what's important, is that you are open to understanding one another more deeply. You do this to make a good relationship even better. Unlike therapy which starts by asking what the problem is, The Kindness Dialogue requires only a simple openness and a willingness to understand each other in a new and different way. This is accomplished by following a structured dialogue based on the results of a personality test called the Enneagram. You both will need to take the test and then follow our instructional video to learn  how to proceed. Almost everyone who goes through the program is astounded at what they learn about themselves and each other.

I have included enough basic information here on my website that you can complete the dialogue without necessarily needing input from someone experienced in the Enneagram. But is case you would like to understand yourselves more deeply, please contact me.

the kindness DOC image

Almost everybody who is in a close, long-term relationship can benefit from participating in a The Kindness Dialogue. However over the past year, I have come to realize that one particular type of relationship may have the greatest need for what the Kindness Dialogue has to offer: the relationship between a medically compromised person and their caregiver. Most of the time, the caregiver is a family member or a close friend. Other times the caregiver may be a healthcare worker deeply dedicated to their job. Most caregivers are committed to their role for as long as they are needed - months, or even years, They experience the normal ups and downs of any close relationship. Plus, they may have to live through a long, gradual decline the ends in a nursing home or death.

N.B. Unfortunately, The Kindness Dialogue has limited effectiveness when dementia is the disabling condition. The dialogue depends on understanding the process and the content.

A retired psychiatrist, I have had Parkinson's disease for eighteen years and I'm happy to report that I'm not yet disabled; not yet in need of a caregiver. From 2012 until 2020, I directed our community-based support group for Persons with Parkinson's Disease (PWPs). I witnessed first hand as some PWPs required more and more assistance from a family member. I observed how their role evolved from spouse to caregiver.

During my varied, forty-year medical career, I have worn a wide variety of medical hats. After finishing medical school I volunteered to become a Marine Corps Flight Surgeon (Vietnam). Upon leaving the military, I went on to be a general practitioner (four years), an emergency room physician (four years), and finally as board-certified psychiatrist for twenty-five years. Over the decades, I have also made several shorter medical trips to Third-World countries including Honduras, Guatemala, and Uganda.

While my life and career have been fulfilling and meaningful, I still feel an inner drive to continue - like I'm not through with my life's work yet. That's why I'm here. I want to improve the lives of those persons who depend on the special relationship only a caregiver can provide. I want to insure that their relationship during their period of disability is filled with kindness and a peaceful mind.

Resting during a hike with Gyp, our certified therapy dog
My wife and I at 12,000 feet in Rocky Mountain National Park
Providing comfort to a woman in Honduras while on a medical trip years ago

The Kindness Dialogue uses a conceptual model of how the human mind works called THE ENNEAGRAM. It is a system for understanding one’s personality by describing it in terms of nine types, each with their own motivations, fears, and internal dynamics. We will use it as a language, a typology, in order for the Kindness Dialogue to provide a new and deeper understanding of yourself and the  people in your life who are most important to you.

People who go to a therapist are first asked what problem(s) brought them in. The Kindness Dialogue does not start with one's problems; rather they are offered a new system of thought that will enable them to see each other in a new way; or as we like to say, through new eyes.

Fortunately, there is a place on the Internet, The Enneagram Institute, that will provide you with detailed information about the Enneagram and provide a test to discover your Type. The test results will provide a starting point for identifying your type, because sometimes your type may not be that obvious despite taking the test. The Enneagram Institute offers several additional ways to get clearer about your type. Bear in mind that the results of a single test are not etched in stone. Over a few years and with the passage significant life events, many people experience some changes in the top three personality types.

See: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com 

        Where to learn about the Enneagram: 

                 The Enneagram Institute


The Nine Enneagram Type Descriptions 

Basic Information you should know and understand


The Enneagram Type Combinations

Important information for relationships


Misidentifications of Enneagram Personality Types

Go here is your types don't seem to fit


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