The caregiver and the care-receiver will both take the Enneagram test, and when they receive their test results, spend a couple hours studying the results of their test and also their partner's test. The test results are quite detailed, so we recommend each person use a yellow marker to highlight that text that feels "right on." Next they are to use a ball point pen to strike out the text they feel doesn't fit at all. Note: most of the documents will neither highlight out struck out. At this point, they will exchange the test results of their partner. Thus both will have a document they completed about themselves and one their partner completed about them.

THIS IS CRITICAL: They are not to discuss the documents until they sit down together the following day to proceed with the actual structured Kindness Dialogue. They both need to wait awhile (i.e., sleep on it) to let the new information soak in. On the following day, they are to set aside a couple hours engage in the formal Kindness Dialogue Event.

Prior to starting the structure Kindness Dialogue Event, both people will have agreed to the following:

• Anger will not be tolerated. If it occurs, they are to stop the dialogue until everybody cools down.
• Every effort should be made to go out of your way to show kindness to each other. (To come up with what to do to manifest kindness, ask yourself what the other person needs, wants, or would like to have at any given moment.
• Avoid bringing up older, painful, unresolved events. Remember, you're still just beginners at approaching life this way. Past problems will re-emerge in due time.

The dialogue starts the following way: Person A reads and comments of the first two pages of their own report and follows up by doing the same with Person B's report about Person A. Then, ever mindful of intentional kindness, they dialogue about the material they just covered until the reach understanding and acceptance.

Then they take turns section-by-section and do the same until the dialogue is finished. NOTE: it is lot of material and you made need several more meeting to cover it all.

• When the "Event" comes to a close, and if you're so inclined, go out for a meal, take a walk, or choose something more intimate to commemorate the occasion.
• We recommend making a video-recording of The Kindness Dialogue Event so you can watch it again next year on the same date.

As mentioned previously, there may be some issues when the a partner may have an unanswered question or still-painful problem. In that event, consult with a counseling professional in your community or email Dr. Hageseth to set up a time to address the unfinished issues.

CONTACT Dr. Hageseth: wisespeechkindwords@gmail.com